Why Community Service???

This is a question I get asked often and it blows me away. I usually respond with “Why Not?”.

Growing up I was taught that serving in your community is a wonderful thing. You can learn a lot by just giving some time to help out someone in need.

I do get people that support the movement, but I also get negative comments as well. I always found that shocking. I used to take the time to step out of myself and try to understand why they think the way that they do. After the first few times of hearing negative comments about serving, I stopped trying to understand and just decided everyone doesn’t think like I do, so just keep on doing what you do.

When think of community service ideas, it’s simply me carrying out a random idea that I have, (that may come to me in my sleep or throughout the day) making a plan, and executing the plan.

I never realized that others would even want to help. I literally am humbled every time someone says that they believe in my vision for serving the community and wants to participate.

My largest initiative at this time is reaching out and feeding the homeless/hungry, I have been doing this for years. I started out assisting and then I realized I could lead a project, so I did. My first project that I lead was 2 years ago, and that was just the beginning.

I believe that food really helps get you through the day, more than we realize. It affects your cognitive ability (thinking ability), it keeps you going, and a good meal can help change your day. So I try to provide good quality meals to the masses when possible.

I have been blessed to serve an average of 200 people every time I do a major project/event. My goal is still to reach 250 at one time though.

My smaller winter initiative that I started in 2018 was “Blankets and Blessing Bags”. I came up with a list of items that I thought a person in need could use and with a team we put the bags together and went out in the community to pass them out. Last year we reached 70 people and I hope to reach at least 100 this winter. It was an awesome community experience.

The last reason that I like to do community service is, it allows you to network. When I setup these projects/initiatives it is nice to see different people come together. It builds a community that by volunteering together creates a team for the day and some people build bonds that continue on.

So, why community service? I believe it helps to build a community network that will continue to help uplift the community in all different ways. ūüôā

Oh yeah, I started a non profit organization MISSTAKENID GIVES BACK FOUNDATION (mgbfoundation) If you wish to learn more about my initiatives please visit :


or follow @mgbfoundation on Instagram

**note I am still working on the website at this time, but there is information on the page regarding the 501c3 fundraiser so that we can achieve 501c3 status and are able to help a larger audience**

My Words For 2019 !

This year I decided to try something new and think of some words that I will apply to my life. These are the words that I came up with. 







(Note: I wanted to post this earlier but this new puppy parent life….whew, that will come in a later blog post)

When you hear each of these words, what do you think of?

For me I think each one will allow me to make some necessary changes in my life this year.

  1. CONSISTENCY: This is an important word for me, sometimes I start things and don’t see them all the way through, however this year I want to work on being more consistent in all things that I do.
  2. VALUE: I learned a lot about value over the past year. One thing is for sure value is very important to me, whether it is adding value to a situation or recognizing that you are not being valued. My key point for this word is to notice the value that I am adding to situations and to take note on if I am in turn being valued. This can apply to all sorts of things.
  3. DISCIPLINE: This is a key word for me. In the past few years I have been a little reckless, especially when it comes to eating and not working out. I am not saying that I am going on a strict diet or doing the “new year workout” routine (no knocking anyone that does) , but just working on making some simple changes in my life that help me get to the next level. This also applies to spending, saving, and personal growth.
  4. CONNECTIONS: One thing is for sure, I am a friendly person and I tend to meet people all over the place. I am working on connecting with people this year and growing new potential friendships/associateships (not a word, I know).
  5. GROWTH: In 2019 focusing on growth is important. I want to be the best me that I can be, so growth is an important part of this. I have noticed a change in my life in the past year and I realize that I am no longer the same person, but one that is constantly growing.
  6. MANIFESTING: To be honest, this wasn’t one of my original words, however one of my friends made a key point. Work on manifesting what you want to have/do in the future and utilize all of these other words to help you get there.

Well, that about sums up my words for 2019. Do you have any???? Share with me.

A letter to you: To help you through the Holidays.

Holidays can bring about many feelings, sometimes they are good and sometimes they are not so good. Holidays can be a rough time for many, so I decided to write a letter  to those that may not feel festive during the holidays with some tips to help you get through.

Dear reader,

It’s completely ok to not to be in the holiday spirit during this season. The key to getting through it, is to do whatever helps you with this tough time. If you are unsure of where to start here are a couple of things that I have used in the past to help me get through this time of year:

  1. FEELРAllow yourself to feel your emotions, whatever they may be.  If you need to let out a good cry, GO AHEAD and do it. This can help with release and can help you feel a little better.
  2. THINK OF FAVORITE THINGS– If you have a favorite beverage such as tea, hot chocolate, egg nog or even an alcoholic beverage enjoy some of that. (Just don’t indulge too much to where it makes you sick.) Or if you have a favorite candle, or music listen to that to lighten your mood.
  3. PHONE A FRIEND- If you just need to vent, phone a friend that will listen and allow you to do just that. Talk it out, whatever is on your mind, get it out and you will feel much better.
  4. DO NOTHING- Sometimes it is ok just to do nothing, relax enjoy your quiet time. During this time you can meditate or just be alone. It is ok to be alone if you feel like you may put a damper on someone else’s day. Get some rest and regroup, this is allowed anytime of year. (However, if you decide to go this route try not to make it a week-long, just try it for a day or two.)
  5. CELEBRATE- If you are down, sometimes celebrating can bring up your spirits. Try baking cookies or playing holiday music, this can help change your mood.

These are just 5 things that you can do to try to help out when you are down during the holidays. I know first hand what it feels like to be down and I utilize all of these things at different times during the holiday season to help me with my mood. Christmas was one of my Mommy’s (RIP) favorite holidays and it hasn’t felt the same since she was here. I realized that she embraced the holiday in remembrance of her mom, so I am always working on how to fix my mood.

I say do whatever works for you, but these things have helped me, so maybe they will help you too.

Much love,


My first experience with 9ROUND Raleigh,NC – Triangle

Let me start off and say, this was not your typical workout experience. You kinda make your own class schedule, which is awesome. It was a different approach to working out, which I enjoyed.

Ok, let me start at the beginning.

First, I found a 9 round trainer from a random post I saw on social media. Then I went to the website to see what it was about.

“I was thinking to myself a 30 minute kickboxing class, I think I can handle that!”¬†

So, I decided to check them out. A free first class, is an awesome introduction to any workout gym/fitness class (and it works very well for me and my budget, LOL) since I wasn’t sure what to expect.

As a first timer, you fill out a form and release and such, so it’s like, sheesh what am I about to do, but the cool part is you can see what other people are doing when you walk in, so you can prepare yourself.


The best part about this whole 9 round system outside of having a “personal training team” is there are no class times, you come in and do your 30 minutes and leave out after doing “9 rounds” of exercises.

So, it’s time to start, and I hear the upbeat popular music playing.¬† This is cool to have in the background, but you see that each person is focused on their personal workout as you have a trainer help you get through it.

The gym is broken up into 9 stations (9 rounds). A trainer demonstrates what you are going to do at each station and helps you through it with motivating words. Each round is 3 minutes. It does seem like a long time and a lot of thought, but you don’t have to think because there is a timer that is going and letting you know that you are making it through the round. It beeps once to let you know to start the exercise, then again to let you know that there is 60 seconds left on the clock, so you are almost done with that excercise. (Keep in mind a trainer comes and checks on you during the time and may even change-up your excercise to keep it exciting.)

In between exercises a trainer calls out an exercise for everyone to do before the next round, some form of cardio or strength move is done during this short time.

I have tried kickboxing classes before, but none were like this and I HIGHLY RECOMMEND 9ROUND,  because of the personal approach to fitness and the motivating words from the trainers.

And let’s not forget, it’s only 30 minutes!!! So it is not taking a huge chunk out of your day!!!

The cool part is after you finish your 30 minutes you ring a bell to let the room know how your workout went. There are 3 choices. I chose option 3 “Killer Workout!”

I will say that after my workout, I felt good about working out, but I know I am gonna hurt a little tomorrow due to the intensity of the workout. My favorite part of the workout was putting on the boxing gloves and doing a one on one session with a trainer after hitting the heavy bag. Oh yeah and let’s not forget my first time on a speed bag.¬† (Boxers make it look easy, but it is definitely something to master.)

I also have to work on my jump rope skills. Skipping rope for 3 minutes straight without any misses is definitely something to work up to. (Personal goals)

(FYI, these are my own words and this was not something that was setup by 9ROUND Triangle, I let the representatives know about the review as I was leaving.)


Ring the bell to let them know how your workout was.

9 round sign
9ROUND sign

2 Motivating Trainers 





My first Cycling Experience: Cyclebar Cary

I have been working on trying to find new things that I can do to help me in my quest to be healthier. I heard about cyclebar from a few people that were devoted to this place and talked about how it made indoor cycling fun. So I said if all of these people swear by it why not give it a try?

So I asked one of my friends if she would try it with me and she said yes. We found a promotion online for the first ride and signed up for a “Wine Down Wednesday Class”.

Now I didn’t even notice it was “Wine Down” (meaning you drink wine after class, which is pretty cool) definitely worth a try. I actually thought it was “Wind down”, something to do with biking. I know I had a moment to laugh at that lol.

So we arrive at the Cycle Bar (Cary off of Hwy 55 in between Durham & Apex) with plenty of time to start class. When you walk in the place looks very clean and neat with apparel to the left and a check-in station. We were greeted by a nice young lady that pointed out where to check-in via tablet and pick out cycling shoes. (Yes, they let you borrow shoes to cycle in, if you don’t have your own) Next we were shown around to the locker area. Where it said Welcome on the locker with my name, very nice touch.¬† In the locker there was a brand new water bottle and a chapstick. Because I guess when you are cycling you may need both of these. In this same space there was also a snack station with water (room¬† temp or cold) and fruit, just in case you need it after your workout. This was a great touch.

Before going into the class the instructor met us and was very nice and talked about how¬† they choose playlists for the class and that cycling can be a fun experience, but it may hurt your “bum” a little on your first couple of classes. So as this was my first cycling class I was a little apprehensive about this, but it was all good. I was ready for the challenge.

So now it is time for class and we are preparing to go in. The room looks pretty cool , with fun lighting and a bunch of bikes. I reserved a bike toward the center so that I could see what was going on. The instructor came and helped me with applying a padded seat and getting “clipped in”(clipping the cycling shoes to the bike pedals) to prepare for the class. Each bike also came with some workout bars and a towel. So I put my new filled water bottle in place took out the towel and was ready to go.

The music and lighting surprised me a little. It was like being at a concert but on a bike. The instructor called out different things to do much like a rockstar which was pretty fun. I am just starting out on my workout adventure so cardio is a big thing. Knowing that the class would be 45 minutes of cardio was something I had to put in my mind, however the bike did let me know how far we had gone in regards to time. The music was great and anytime I can hear upbeat r&b or pop music while working out, especially if I know the song makes it better. Alot of the workout allowed me to push through some struggles I had and by hearing the instructors voice I wanted to keep going. I even enjoyed the part of class that included using the workout bars so that your arms got a workout along with your legs. Very cool.   I enjoyed the idea of being able to complete a class.

After the class they had wine and other snacks. As much as I love wine I actually didn’t partake, but it was ok. I returned the shoes and prepared to go home.

I grabbed a banana and drank some more water and drove home.

The only downfall which I was warned about was even with a cushion on my bike seat my “bum” was definitely hurting for the next day. However, I was also told if I kept at it, this wouldn’t be an issue.

If you like indoor cycling, this is definitely a place that you want to try.

Locker (Nice touch)

My new water bottle at the snack station

class schedule

rock your ride cycle bar
motivational wall

Me and Alexis

cycling shoes

Our instructor Tricia

Why I don’t like Mother’s Day: My story

Mother’s Day comes every year, and every year as it get’s closer it fills me with anxiety and sadness. To top it off I get invited to all kinds of things and to spend mother’s day with others. However, no one ever understands why I don’t want to go with them to their Mother’s Day functions. ¬† I am happy for them and they can continue to celebrate, but I know that there are others out there like me that wait for the day to pass. I usually have a drink and toast My Guardian Angel for most of the day. So if you ever wonder what I am doing on Mother’s Day. ¬†I am drinking, whatever my drink of choice is for that year. ¬† (This year it will be pineapple or watermelon margaritas.)

I get alot of “Remember your last Mother’s Day with her” and “Think of the last time you were with your Mom”. (I tend to get upset when I hear these things, but try not to show it)

Here’s my story, about “My last Mother’s day with my Mom” or “The last time I was with My Mommy”. ¬†My mother passed away May 25, 1999. ¬†Some things that you would like to forget can be burned into your memory. Let me share part of this and maybe you will understand.

The day before my last Mother’s Day with my Mother I woke up to My father calling me and saying come to our room. ¬†“Something is wrong with your Mom, so I need you to help me until I can get some more help.” My Mother was laying in bed, eyes open not speaking and not moving. Dad gave me a basin and said wash your Mom up and I am going to get someone to help me get her to the hospital. (He knew that Mom always said if she had to go to the hospital don’t call the ambulance because she didn’t ever want to go in one. ¬†I feel the same way.) So in tears, I got to work and washed my Mom up and put her on something over her gown. ¬†She looked at me as if she wanted to say something but the words were not coming out. ¬†I was wondering if she had a stroke or something. ¬†The guys arrived and helped my Dad carry her to the truck where they rushed to the hospital. ¬†She was admitted and this would be the last day that I saw my Mommy at home. ¬†The day progressed and they admitted my Mom into ICU at hospital. ¬†They said that her blood pressure and blood sugar was too high and that was what caused this and she didn’t have a stroke.

The interesting this was the day before this, I wanted to go and pick up My Mom a Mother’s day card that told her how I felt about her in words and how much I loved her. ¬†This was an extensive card. It talked about how beautiful a Mother’s Love is and how no one could ever replace her. I held the card that night and once they said she was in ICU I knew that I wouldn’t be able to go up that night, but maybe she would be better tomorrow I thought.

So Mother’s day morning I got up bright and early and was waiting to hear my Mother’s voice. ¬†I knew that she was in the hospital so I waited as long as I could to call at a reasonable hour. ¬†I called the hospital operator and asked to be transfered to my Mom’s ICU nurse. The nurse says, ” I know it’s Mother’s Day”, but she isn’t talking. Me: “If I could just read her this card I got her, it would make my day, please”. ¬†The nurse agreed to take the phone to the room and put it up to her ear. I read the card and even though she wasn’t speaking she belted out the words “That’s pretty”, I then told her that I was coming to see her. So later on that day I asked my Dad to take me to see her. ¬†He did. ¬†I was standing there looking at my Mom hooked up to everything and wanting to talk to her. ¬†She saw me come to the room and starting “talking in some foreign gibberish”, and was trying to make me feel better and it wasn’t working because I couldn’t understand a word that she was saying. So I hugged her and told her I loved her and that I would come back another day.

So spare me the “remember your last mother’s day”….It is something that I will never forget.

After that day she started back talking and was back to her regular self but was still in the hospital. She had an operation and remained there for the rest of her life. So for me, Mother’s Day was the beginning of the end. That is why it doesn’t make me feel good. ¬†I know that it has been a while, and even though it gets easier, there are regular days that I celebrate her and Mother’s Day isn’t it.

For all of the one’s that say, “Remember the last time you were with her”, oh yeah I won’t forget that either.

Here is that story for you. ¬†It was Sunday, May 23, 1999. ¬†I went up to the hospital with my Dad to see my Mommy and she was there as her regular self. ¬†Sitting in the hospital bed and she was saying that she wanted to have an operation that I knew that she didn’t want to have my entire life. ¬†She was saying that she wanted to do it for me. ¬†In her words pointing to me, “Because I can’t leave her here by herself”. ¬†I walked out into the hall, and had a moment to think and to pray. ¬†At that point I knew that my Mother was speaking in a different voice than I had ever heard before. The words were coming from her mouth, but saying that she wanted to have an operation just for me, was for me the ultimate display of love over anything else. ¬†This became too heavy for me to deal with, so after this, my Dad took me home. I remember going back to hug my Mommy and that was it. ¬†The last time I saw her alive.

So yeah, I don’t knock anyone that wants to celebrate Mother’s Day, it’s your right to do so. ¬†However, if you are someone that has lost their mother and you don’t feel like celebrating I understand and I will have a toast to you too, when I have my drink.

Maybe, one day a happy image will pop into my head, but until then. ¬†I thank you for the invites, but I enjoy letting my mind take me into whatever space it wants to be in during this time. ¬†I have overcome a lot of pain, but evey year a little weird feeling comes over me, so don’t think that it is because I am being rude or hateful. I just don’t feel like being overly emotional in a public space, I like to control my environments during this time. Enjoy your day though.

That’s all for now.

live without mother

That time I lived in a hotel and what I learned.

Last year, I had the rare opportunity to live in a hotel. ¬†Not just an extended stay hotel, but a very cool Hyatt Regency in the North Dallas/Richardson Area of Texas. ¬†So you are probably thinking, maybe she just stayed for a couple of days and didn’t actually live there. ¬†I didn’t even think I would be there for more than a week, max 2 weeks, but that turned into 47 days.

Before you ask why I did this… I will give you a simple answer. ¬†I agreed to help someone out and trade places with them for a work assignment. I thought the assignment would only last for a short time and then everyday turned into “Groundhog Day”, you know the movie where each day is the same until the very last day for the main character. ¬†Well that is what life was like for me, but I did try to do something different each day to get something out of the experience and over all it wasn’t terrible and I could have been placed in a different hotel (for that I am thankful).

I arrived to the hotel after a 1 night stay at the Hyatt House.  The hotel was booked the day before due to a huge hail storm that had happened one week prior and was full of insurance adjusters.  One thing is for sure, I learned on day one that anything could be happening at this hotel on any given day.

The staff was very polite when I checked in and assisted me with my reservation. ¬†I was placed in a king room on the top floor and they asked, ‘How long I will you be staying with us?”. ¬†The most interesting part was my answer “I don’t know”. ¬†I literally had no idea of how long I would be there, I just knew that I was there for work. So I said, ‘Let’s start with 2 weeks and go from there.” ¬† They laughed as if it was a joke, I was serious, but laughed anyway.

My room was normal, a king bed, coffee pot, tv. ¬†U know the usual. ¬†However, when I looked out my window. I had a pretty good view. ¬†(Night image featured below) The first night I was getting used to my new surroundings so I ventured down to the bar to have a drink. ¬†This was a great idea as I was able to meet the bar manager and the bar staff. (Note: Always network with the staff in a new place, they can tell you things that others won’t)

The most awesome part about living in a hotel in my opinion is not having to take out your own trash or clean your room everyday, someone does that for you. ¬†I loved every minute of it. (Don’t forget to tip)

I learned a lot from this experience and I would like to share my very important tips for hotel living.  These are keys:

  1. Make friends with the staff, after all they are the ones that can help you out when you need assistance. I quickly met the staff and arranged for a microwave and mini fridge to be placed in my room, the staff will look out for you if you are nice to them.
  2. Treat the bar as if it is your living room. ¬†Dress ¬†appropriately, but enjoy the perks of happy hour and whatever the hotel offers. It will feel like you are at a house party/social everyday and you can meet new people. ¬†You will feel more comfortable when talking to people and when you get the question “So, how long are you here for?”, you can just respond with “I live here.” (there is your icebreaker and conversation starter)
  3. Figure out who on the bar staff makes the best drinks, and remember to order from them everyday. ¬†(Don’t forget to tip)
  4. Ask the staff where the best food places are around town.
  5. Take a look at the crowd when you are in your “living room” every day and see if you see the same people everyday. ¬†You can make some friends and form a “crew” of people that are living there too.
  6. Learn the menu of the restaurant. If you know it then you will know what you will or won’t want to eat, just in case you get stuck in due to a storm or being ¬†too tired to leave for the evening.

Those are my keys to hotel living.

While we are talking about my stay at the hotel I have to talk about a couple of things that were specific to my trip. Remember earlier when I said at any given day anything could be going on at this hotel. That was really true.

One day I saw a sign near the bar and there was a fitness drink convention. ¬†All of the people looked like body builders and were very much in shape and selling a special fitness drink. ¬†These people were also in the gym heavy, but that wasn’t anything special.

The most interesting day in the bar would come a ¬†week later. ¬†I walked into the bar and saw some flowers on 2 stands near the door. As I looked at the flowers I was thinking I wonder what type of program is going on here today. ¬†I then noticed a small sign and everyone was dressed in black. ¬†I realized I had walked into a memorial service. ¬†However, everyone was ordering shots and said that the Memorial service was for a guy that was known for “having a good time”. You would have thought that it was a party in there. ¬†I had a regular drink and went to my room.

I could write about this experience and chronicle each day, however my favorite part of my stay was a Hawk that came to visit my window everyday. ¬†I named him “Jack (pictured below). ¬†He came to visit my window each day and even when I changed rooms, he came looking for me. It could just be a coincidence, but Jack made my stay more comfortable. ¬†They say that Hawks are a spirit animal of protection. ¬†So he was my protector.

My Dad even got a chance to come out to the hotel for a week. ¬†He knew the keys and made friends with the staff quickly. ¬†Once they found out he was my Dad they treated him like he had been there for 30+ days already. ¬†He was getting perks I didn’t even know about. ¬†Never underestimate ‘The Old Man” (affectionate term for my Dad).

Each day brought something new and allowed me to learn something about myself or others. ¬†After everyday being “the same”, 46 days later the alarm music changed and I was getting ready to come home. ¬†It was tough to know that I was coming home to my Dad being in the hospital Emergency….but that is another story…(VA Chronicles part 1)

I will say, that the staff at the Hyatt in North Dallas/Richardson, is one of the best.  They are very accommodating and  helpful.  They even took good care of my Dad when he came out to visit me. If you are ever in that area and just need a nice place to stay check them out.

Below you will find a couple of pics from the hotel.

Crushing: To approach or not to approach, that is the question…LOL

Over the past week I watched all kinds of romantic comedies, and happened to  listen to the song Crush-Yuna feat. Usher. I love this song by the way.  It really makes you think of how a crush actually makes you feel.

Think about it.  When you are first crushing on a guy, the idea of your crush can make you smile, laugh, blush, or even make you feel a little giddy.

So what determines if you decide to act on a crush or not?

Acting on a crush can go good or bad.

Let’s start with an example of bad….

I recently saw a video that highlighted a girl getting ready to approach her crush. ¬†She had been seeing him around many different places she went. ¬†Saw him look at her every once in a while and they would just smile at each other and keep going on about their days. ¬†One day she finally got the courage to walk up to him ¬†and approach him. ¬† She realizes that he was looking at her too, however for different reasons. ¬†He wanted to know what kind of makeup she was using and where she shopped. ¬†Now for her this was very discouraging because she finally worked up the courage to talk to a guy that she had been crushing on from afar and it turns out that he wasn’t actually attracted to her in the same way. ¬† For some that could be disappointing , but it could also lead to a great friendship.

Acting on a crush can go really well also…

I know someone that would look at this guy across the room everywhere she went. ¬†They would lock eyes and even maybe share a smile. ¬†They did this for months, after a while they finally started speaking to each other when they saw each other. ¬†Everytime, we would see this guy out, she would say, “there is my crush”. ¬†I figured eventually they would speak. ¬†This day in particular it happened. ¬†She walked up and introduced herself. ¬†He was just as delighted as she was to finally talk to her. ¬†Fast forward, they are now married. ¬†So acting on a crush can go in a positive direction.

I have decided some people are supposed to remain crushes. If you don’t act on the rush, then you can keep the feeling of the unknown. I think I like that feeling. ¬†It’s like a transformation to a happy place and without acting on a crush it can keep them in a happy place in your mind. ¬†I am sure that some people think that there is no point in keeping people in the “crush space”, but I think that it can be a good thing. ¬†There is no disappointment, you may not always feel the same, but if the crush passes, then maybe you didn’t really like the person to begin with. LOL.

Just my two cents…(this is my public diary

The first time I realized I was black: #realizediwasblack #cnn

This morning I woke up and watched the videos on CNN.com called “The first time I realized I was black”. It allowed various celebrities, CNN news anchors, reporters, and others to talk about the first time that being black affected how people treated them. At the end of the segment it said tell your story and tag it #realizediwasblack . So here is mine.

As a child I was getting on the school bus to ride home from school.  The day was like none other, it was sunny outside, the temperature was warm.  I got on the yellow school bus and went to the regular place that I sat.  A few minutes later our bus driver informed us that another bus was having trouble so they would be getting on our bus to ride home and he would have to change the route.  This happened often but, this particular day was a little different.

A kid that was in another class much larger than me got on the bus and saw that I was sitting by myself. ¬†He looked at me and said “Move over nigger”… ¬†My mind started racing and I was taken a back by this. ¬†You see, I grew up in the Northern area of my county where there were not a lot of black families at the time. ¬†There were maybe 5 black kids in a class of 30, and maybe 10-15 in the whole grade. ¬†At my best friend’s school she was the only black kid in a class more times than not. ¬†However, in my entire life it never crossed my mind that someone would call me this word.

So believe it or not, before this day I asked my Mommy (Rest in Peace, my Angel) how it felt growing up during Civil Rights times and being¬†called this word and what I should do if anyone ever calls me this word. ¬†She told me, “Don’t get violent, try to remain calm and use your words. However, if the conversation turns and you have to fight, then make sure that they call Me!!” (I loved her advice)

Ok back to the moment…So I am sitting there in shock looking at this white boy that is calling me this name and I started thinking about everything and even looking around to see if anyone heard him, just in case. ¬† My body started to shake with rage. ¬†I calmly got up and let him in the seat. However, before I sat down I had to say a few words. This was the conversation that followed:

Me:”You have seen me around this school, and at any point have I called you a “cracker”, “whitey”, ¬†or anything like that?”

Him: “No”

Me: “So why would you call me THAT word?”

Him: “Because it is what you are”

Me: Now I think the bus started to take off, so I had to take my seat next to him, but I next said. “Never, ever, call me that word again, the dictionary says that it means “ignorant”. ¬†That does not apply to me and I don’t care what anyone told you to call black people, I am black and we have been in the same schools and live in a neighborhood similar to yours but don’t ever do that again. ( I must have had conviction in my voice)

Him: “Sorry”

Me: “Thanks for the apology and as a matter of fact it would be wise if you did not call anyone else that word again.”

The bus driver reached the kids stop.  I let him out and he got off of the bus.  I could see red, and started to cry.  Soon it was time for me to get off.  That moment made me realize for sure that I was black and with it happening in Elementary school it taught me that you can stand up without fighting. ( Even though I wanted to trip him as he walked down the aisle.)

I went home and couldn’t wait to tell my Mom how I used my words. She smiled and was proud of me, and I am sure that she called the school. ¬†However, in my own way I felt like I had accomplished something that day.

As for the kid that said those words to me, oh yeah, I remember weeks later he got beat up by a black boy at school that was closer to his size and I can only imagine how the fight started. Probably the same way.

Thanks CNN for ending your segment with share your story.


Miss Independent

“You are too independent”, I have heard this hundreds, possibly thousands of times. ¬†Nope that is not an exaggeration. ¬†My response, “Is that a bad thing???” Then it makes me think, well if everyone notes my independence, the next thing they say is, “You probably scare guys off”, Me: (sigh) ¬†I always wonder when being independent became a death sentence lol.

Independence is something that I learned from my Mommy ( May she RIP) . She taught me many things ¬†growing up. ¬†The number one thing that she taught me was that as a woman you can do whatever you put your mind to and you shouldn’t have to wait on anyone to help you do it. ¬†Whether, it was go to school, own a business, whatever. After hearing it over and over again, I started to wonder if maybe people are right, and I am just too independent.

Then I think, why should I let their beliefs consume my thoughts? ¬†I think that in today’s world you need a woman that knows how to do things. ¬†Our world is changing and evolving everyday. ¬†I run into more and more independent women. ¬†There are certain times when I would like to depend on someone else such as:

  1. When something needs to be fixed: I have no desire to fix things.
  2. Bringing the groceries in the house: I hate bringing in groceries, I am one of those people that will take all 10 bags in one trip if I can, just to prevent going back to the car.
  3. When I need help with anything: I have found that sometimes it is hard to ask others for help, because at times they are unreliable.  So I end up doing things myself.

However, Last year t found out that I¬†couldn’t do everything myself¬†and had to depend on others. (That story is featured in another blog post) This was a great lesson to learn and now I know that I don’t have to do every single thing myself, but I guess it only showed during harder times. ¬†I am back to my friends telling me that I am “Miss Independent”, and you know what. I can live with that…LOL.